We were sponsors. So we figured we could get away with this.

We recently sponsored the IREM Georgia costume party. We sponsored it because we are reputable businesspeople, known far and wide for our sober devotion to duty.

And yet—we were utterly unable to act normal at this event. Believe us, we tried. (Actually, don’t believe that. It is false.) We felt compelled by a mysterious force to dress up in ridiculous costumes and make complete fools of ourselves. Our usual role as upstanding citizens—serving hundreds of prime properties in Atlanta with superior, 100% reliable commercial cleaning services—well, that went out the window as soon as we climbed into our car and tried to figure out how to drive to the event while wearing a silly mask.

We apologize to real superheroes, who probably want to retire their spandex outfits just so they’ll never be mistaken for us. To Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, and all the other real heroes of the world, we say, “Don’t worry. You will never be mistaken for us.”

In a transparent attempt to deflect blame, we’ll point out that it was the IREM folks who chose the theme, “The Hero Within Us.”

In a phony attempt to take responsibility, we will name the perpetrators:

Steven Tomlinson, Managing Partner

Dave Hollister, Managing Partner

Angie Russel, Director of Business Development

To get serious just long enough to get us through this paragraph, we want to say how much we enjoyed meeting all the non-ridiculous people who were kind enough to stop by our table. We respect your ability to retain your dignity—a skill we seem to lack—and your willingness to associate with a bunch of clowns, just out of kindness.

We hope it’s because one of our very happy customers assured you that on normal days we appear to have our faculties in working order, and that our commercial cleaning service is second to none in the greater Atlanta area.